Old & Fat Trumps Drunk & Stupid

Let’s just say it was a long week in the North East.  Freezing temps, icy rain and periods of snow certainly didn’t help.  By the end of the week, we were ready to visit one of our favorite watering holes and we weren’t looking for water.  She of We wanted wings, He of We wanted bourbon.  A snowy rush hour had everyone ready for a warm happy hour. This was the place we go to make that hour happy.  Here we have seen regulars and irregulars, old owners and new owners, children of owners and now grandchildren of owners.  We’ve been around a whiler.

The bar was crowded so we sat at one of those bar top tables on stools that you figure out quickly why they are called that.  One half of one of our favorite couples came over and joined us. His She was out of town on business so it was a party of three.  As the place started to fill up, we found ourselves surrounded by the youth of America. Twenty-somethings who needed cheap beer to guzzle and women to annoy. That’s when the trouble started. 

Our friend headed home and we decided to stay and catch the band. You know how we love live music.  We quickly figured out that we have gained a super power when it comes to twenty-somethings. Invisibility. You see, we were in a crowd and nobody paid any attention to us.  Nobody even noticed us.  And noticeability is one of our best attributes. It was while we were in our cloak of invisibility that one particularly inebriated youth, perhaps on his maiden voyage to Drunkville, perhaps a regular visitor, decided he was going to help himself to She of We’s wing basket.

Please understand that usually She of We is very generous but having her wings grabbed without permission is a big no-no.  We’ve all visited Drunkville a time or two so we’re no strangers to bad, drunken behavior. He of We protested on her behalf and that’s when it turned ugly. Drunk Boy and his buddy decided that insulting us would somehow make us feel bad. They thought by using words like old and fat that we would be impressed by them. (A note before we continue.  You know all these anti-bullying programs going on in schools?  Well, once they hand out the diplomas and these fools are on their own, add an adult beverage to an adult in training and it goes right out the window.  We like to call it Beer Backbone or just plain ignorance. We know your parents taught you better.) 

Anyway, She of We decided that enough was enough. We’re old, remember. We’ve been around, remember.  She politely informed the drunken buffoons that it was time for their leave.  Yeah right, they said and not too politely, nor too intelligently.  That was went she calmly moved from her stool, parted the sea of newbies like Moses parting the Red Sea, and aimed herself right at the owner.  Without blinking an eye, she informed him that he needed to bid these guests adieu.  He followed her back to our table, tapped the lads on the shoulder and let them know, just as calmly, that it was time to go. The look of shock on their stupid, young, drunken faces was priceless. No pomp, no circumstance, and no drama. Just “you’re outta here.” 

Both of We hope that our twentysomething children never act like that but we know they will. We only hope that some nice, old, fat couple will be able to set them straight.  And when called for, send them to the door.  And to the optometrist the next day.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?



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